Sad.. Sad.. Sad..

Month of July is definitely not a good month for me.. More sadness than laughter..

It all started with my aunt (Ibu) going into the hospital at the start of my long annual leave beginning of the month due to stroke.. First tragedy.. Hence, my whole holiday was dedicated for her.. Kind of sad but I don't mind at all.. It is a sacrifice I am willing to give.. She had been the greatest aunt a niece would ask for.. Both my family and hers had been so close since even before my mom got married.. She was even the first person to meet my Sayang.. I rather tell her about him first compared to my mom.. She always know what to say or do..

When I reach the end of my holiday, the second tragedy took place.. My Sayang broke up with me.. I couldn't get him to forgive me at all.. Haih.. I wouldn't disclose why and how it happened but it did.. There is nothing much I can do except for keep hoping that one day he will forgive me and come back to me.. I definitely will not give up as I know he is the one for me.. I may get heartaches along the way, which I already starting to but it is worth it.. I will stand right where I belong and prove how important he is to me..

After two weeks, I am back in office, but only for 2 days training.. After that, me and my girl friends from high school went to Redang for a 3 Days 2 Nights trip.. It was a great and wonderful trip.. Manage to get things out of my mind sometimes.. But not all the time.. But I am glad I went for the trip.. It opened my eyes to a whole new level.. Teaching me to appreciate the love I had.. That drives my determination to persue the things I want in life even if it drowns me in the end.. Because it is worth it.. At least I tried and there's nothing to lose..

The holiday then followed by a 3 days training.. Gosh! Tiring.. No time to rest after I got back from Redang.. Nothing much I can do but just bare with it as I know I will have time to rest after that..

That fantasy didn't last long.. I spend my whole friday afternoon in the hospital with my cousin and uncle.. My aunt was still hospitalised but has already opened her eyes.. To all of us, it was a good sign.. However, on the way back, my cousin called.. She said that my aunt was in a critical condition and just waiting for time before she leaves us.. I picked up my whole family and hang around the hospital until midnight.. Her condition did not change..

Next morning, while sending my car for repairs, my cousin called again.. This time she said its worst and she can feel that the time is near.. Half hour later, I received another call from her.. Before I answer the call, I already know what she is going to say.. It is something I am afraid to listen to.. She is gone.. Ibu is gone.. There were tears in my eyes but I didn't cry like I normally do.. I just couldn't even though I feel like crying.. Once the car is ready, Ayah and I headed straight to the hospital..

We reached earlier than Mama and sis.. I couldn't bare to see my aunt's face at first.. But when I finally did, I started tearing.. Its so sad.. The funeral was settled by 7pm.. We had "tahlil" at night.. After that, my sis and I decided to spend the night there.. Next afternoon was another round of "tahlil" before all of us go back to respective houses.. That night itself I can feel the lost of my beloved aunt.. She will always be remembered.. She will always be in my heart.. All of our hearts..

The first day of Ramadhan is lonely without Ibu.. Especially for my cousin and uncle.. Ayah accidentally donated all our important documents.. Haih.. Another headache.. Bad things just kept on coming.. I wonder when will it stops.. Its so hurtful..